A flash bastard

Crowley was a bit worried when Sunny told him that she never got a retirement package or severance pay, so what better way to make some money during the last few hot weeks of summer than with a lemonade stand? What's the currency of the mansion? What kind of money does everyone have? Sure. Whatever.

"Need Responsible Vendor Training?" Sunny asks, looking over the paper cups. She's fairly certain that's something she once heard you need if you are going to be serving people drinks, and lemonade is something you drink, after all.

"Just reassure them that you're a responsible young entrepreneur who knows what she's doing," Crowley tells her, remembering some lines from a self help video he once helped film. It was anything but helpful, of course. "Smile. Project confidence. And, er, wash your hands before you start selling, of course."

Her concerns assuaged, Sunny sits down on the little stool behind the stand to await her first customer. She figures she looks nice for her first day as a business owner, having selected a yellow and blue princess dress-up dress to wear today, and paired it with a set of sparkly pink butterfly wings. She did bring along her mister fan in case she gets too hot outside in the sun. She has already drenched the front of her dress during her very scientific tests, you know, to make sure it still works correctly (it does). That was an important step.

Crowley hasn't had a proper lurk in a while, but he's lurking now. He looks rather threatening¹ in his standard all-black outfit, sunglasses, and crossed arms. He's also currently unaware that he still has a couple of colorful stickers stuck to the front of his shirt – from their marketing tests, of course. If anyone approaches, they will most likely be bullied into making a purchase from the lemonade stand.

¹No, he doesn't.

[[Three person threading but in two parts, Crowley first and then Sunny!]]

When exactly is "Kumaras 11"? Who knows!

Somehow, though, on the correct day and at the correct time, everyone who was invited to the bachelor party finds their way to the game room. Call it a minor miracle. The game room has been set up for a night to remember – and look, Crowley has actually put a little effort into it. Well, more than a little. Come on. He's a demon. If there's one thing he's good at, it's throwing a good party.

The room is decorated with draped cloths of tyrian purple, black, and gold. Crowley also finally got the record player to cooperate and found some punk rock records to play in the background, though not too loud, so Claudius can talk to people everyone can still talk to each other without shouting. The lights are also dimmed to perfection; flattering but not hindering. Overall, it's a unique vibe. A bit divey and trashy -- but also a bit glitzy and glamorous.

Onto the activities:

1) First of all, there are obviously plenty of beverages and food for everyone. Vegas Bombs set up on a tray. Champagne in flutes for a toast. White Claw. Four Loko? Maybe? Junk food. Pizza. Auntie Anne's pretzel bites. Pop tarts. Korean corn dogs. 3D Doritos...? But – good wine. Definitely good wine.

2) In one corner, there's a punching bag game. The scores range from 0-100, with 50 being a golf clapped "good effort", 60 being good, 70-80 being a solid try, and the 90s being almost unattainable by most people.

There is also another corner of the room that's walled off from the rest with plexiglass. Inside, is a rage room. Plenty of breakable items (an old unusable television, glassware, bottles, ceramic plates, etc) as well as a baseball bat or two. Maybe a crow bar. Through sheer luck, nobody will get injured while participating in either of these activities¹.

3) There are some standard Vegas slot machines along the right-sided wall to try one's luck at. Maybe someone will get lucky. Maybe they'll just get addicted to gambling. Hmm.

4) In the center of the room, in the middle of everything, is a selfie ring light and a selfie station set up with a Polaroid camera – just in case someone wants everyone (and themselves) to see how amazing they look tonight.

5) The most comfortable-looking couch in the world has appeared along the back wall where it's darker; it seats a decent number of people and it looks like it's the type of couch that tries to eat you (but in a cozy way). A couch that's good for lounging, snacking, drinking wine, gossiping, and being lazy. There are plenty of soft pillows and spots to set your drink on. A couple of candles are lit around it for the ambiance.

6) There's a small section of wall space in the game room that has been taped off and labeled with "I was at Claudius's bachelor party" that everyone in attendance can defile decorate and sign, just to, y'know, incite some jealousy in anyone who wasn't there.

7) What's the seventh thing?² Well, that's just a surprise, isn't it?

The dress code for this evening is "fashionable and fun", so Crowley is wearing something similar to a certain BAFTA look, golden horoscope designs on a dark green suit. Except with less of a smile and more sunglasses. He is pretty confident about this party, though. Even the theme is fun³.

¹It's still not nice, Aziraphale.
²Seven is a fun number, isn't it?
³To him.


[[Happy bachelor party day, Claudius! There will be only be a couple top level comment threads from Crowley. Feel free to thread where appropriate. Otherwise -- and it's fine if it takes a while -- you can react in prose directly to this post with how your character spent the evening and how they enjoyed each of the activities! The plan is for Claudius to pepper in reactions where needed.]

Crowley stumbles his way out of his and Aziraphale's bedroom at... some hour of the morning. Afternoon? ...Evening? No, there's too much light. He squints in the brightness. Aziraphale's side of the bed was empty, which means he's most likely reading away in the library¹. Crowley doesn't necessarily need sleep -- but he likes it. It feels nice. Most of the time. Unfortunately, sometimes he has a very human side effect from sleep, and he wakes up more tired than he fell asleep. It's a scam. Coffee. He needs coffee. Six shots of espresso. No, make it seven.

As he makes his way to the café, he sees a figure out of the corner of his eye looming out at him from a corner and he startles with a faint Ngk noise -- but it's only Jared. Jared is wearing a black jacket, a red wig, and a pair of sunglasses.

He pauses, taking in the outfit.

"H'lo Jared," Crowley mumbles blearily, "why the fuck has someone dressed you up like Gideon?" -- and he stumbles off, continuing on to the café.

¹As opposed to reading away in the bedroom. He likes to get his steps in.

You could argue that Crowley has been wandering the halls with Noo-boh¹ for weeks, if you were really keeping a close eye on the chronological course of events.² And sure, you could technically argue that the conversation in which Crowley acquired Noo-boh took place before Shen Yuan's death and his current status is at least a week post-Shen Yuan's death -- and that yes, Crowley did talk to Lancelot about Noo-boh and his rejection and banishment to the game room as if it happened in the past. Is currently talking to Lancelot. Whatever. But time isn't linear, especially not in this place, and especially not to a demon. It's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey-wimey ...stuff.³

In any case, in the present, Crowley is walking through the mansion halls with a Juicy Grape colored Furby in his hands. Lay-lah doo? Noo-boh asks, as they round the corner to the room that Crowley and Aziraphale share. Their room. Their room that they have together. Sometimes, Crowley still doesn't believe it.

"Shh," Crowley hushes him. First impressions are important. Normally, Crowley bursts into wherever Aziraphale is with all guns blazing, so to speak. Swinging the bookshop door open dramatically, lounging on the couch the moment he steps in, rifling through his wine collection, etc. He closes the door behind him carefully. That should be the first sign that he wants something.⁴

"Angel," he says, tucking Noo-boh behind his back and strolling over to the yellow loveseat where Aziraphale is reading. He leans over the back of the loveseat to drop a couple of books on the empty side of the cushions, slouching so that his hand rests on Aziraphale's shoulder. "I, er, just happened to be near the library so I brought you some more books. Y'know, just in case you ran out."

¹Lan Noo-boh, if we're using his family name.
²If you are, what are you, the time police? Wrong canon.
³Said by someone very wise and very handsome.
⁴Typically, the next signs are if he uses a pet name and has some sort of gift.

Crowley is outside on the lawn, bottle of pisco in one hand.

He was on his way to find Claudius, with the idea of having some pisco sours together, but he's an easily distracted demon. The multiple body swaps made him think of abilities, then thinking about Aziraphale made him thinking about Soho, which made him wonder how his poor Bentley was doing. Was she missing him? Was she even sentient without Crowley around? ...was there any way for Crowley to bring her here?

So far, he has managed to summon a Razor scooter, a large tire swing, and a very complicated Hot Wheels track with multiple loops.

It looks like it's going to be a more difficult feat than he originally thought.

By his very nature, Crowley is normally ten to fifteen minutes late to everything. Not too much to truly inconvenience or aggravate -- but fashionably late¹. Today, he's early. At the designated time for the Emma book club meeting, he's already in the café and he has already downed his usual six shots of espresso. Another triple espresso is brewing. He's also debuting a new hairstyle² as he's pacing around the café - well, sauntering around - still thinking over what happened the other day near the lake. Did he ask Aziraphale out? Was Aziraphale's "Crowley, I'd like that very much" an acceptance?? Did they have a date???

To be fair to his two friends, he actually has read the first ten chapters of Emma, as agreed upon. He's prepared for the book club. He just has a lot on his mind right now.

¹Aziraphale caught on in the 1700s and ever since then, gives him a much earlier time than what's needed. One of the many games they play.
²The linked picture (manbun!) except with a couple of braids woven into the longer hair.

2 BC, Bethlehem

"Fancy seeing you here," Crowley said, right as Aziraphale was negotiating with the innkeeper for a set of rooms, telling him to absolutely not give them away to anyone for any reason, except only to–

Aziraphale turned around, startled for a moment, then relieved. "Oh, it's you."

"Not up to anything important, are you?" I'm a demon. I lied. That's what Crowley had said when they were discussing the loneliness of going along with their respective sides just as much as they needed to. A few centuries later, Crowley still thought about that moment and the expression on Aziraphale's face. He also thought that perhaps, just perhaps, the answer to that loneliness was– ... nah. Crowley was only there to tempt the angel away from an important job. He leaned against the wall of the inn. "So, you've tried food. An ox rib. How about a glass of wine?"

There was a moment's pause while Aziraphale thought about it. Well, the room at the inn had been reserved. His task was technically done. A little glass of wine (or two) wouldn't hurt. "Fine," he said, with a semblance of being put upon, though he then smiled at Crowley¹.

( Read more... )

"I need a favor, Crowley," Claudius said.

That was how it all started. Now, Crowley's trying to think through the plot of Mean Girls with the desperation of someone who doesn't truly understand the plot of Mean Girls. There was someone named Gretchen. Possibly. She was misunderstood¹. All of the other students in the school disliked her so much that she didn't get any of those stupid Valentine's day roses that they handed out during class². And – there was definitely a mean girl (clearly), who had created a Burn Book to write about all of her classmates in, and all of those pages were eventually leaked to the entire school... and then they burned the book at the end of the movie in a gigantic bonfire³. The Burn Book was the most important part of the movie.

Creating one of their own was a silly idea that Crowley had mentioned when they were high and Claudius had said I need one of those and latched onto the idea of it – an idea that was brought up again by Claudius, apparently, when Crowley was napping. It was brought up yet again when Claudius mentioned a recent difficult and heavy discussion with Lan Wangji. The aftermath of the truth spell. He didn't elaborate more and Crowley didn't ask for more but they both agreed that the Burn Book might be a fun, distracting project.

Crowley is currently in one of the side parlors, one that has a large table in it. There are several empty books and some art supplies on the table and Crowley is debating his alcohol choice for whatever's about to happen. Cosmopolitans...? Now to wait for Claudius to bring Lan Wangji in for his "intervention". Under false pretenses, of course.

¹Questionable?
²Crowley invented those!
³Right?

Following his conversation with Aziraphale, Crowley has felt a mild sense of unease. For no reason at all, of course -- no, that isn't true. He's unhappy where things left off with Aziraphale in that conversation. There, he's thought it. The problem is, he's changed. This place has obviously changed him... especially the knowledge that there is no Hell. Aziraphale has not changed. He hasn't been around long enough and if a bird were to fly to the end of the universe, etc etc, Aziraphale would still be more resistant to change than that mountain. After 6000 years of skirting around the truth, 6000 years of not talking about what is clearly a friendship for fear of retaliation... it's going to take a great effort on someone's part to force even that little bit of truth out of him¹.

And so, it's time for whiskey and a depression nap.

Thanks to the tremendous amount of whiskey he's consumed, the door is cracked a little bit. Anyone walking past the room will see a demon in black silk pajamas napping on the wall, napping on the ceiling, possibly even napping under the bed²...

It's also going to be impossible to wake him or do anything to him but they can certainly try.

¹Leaning heavily on that lever.
²Hi, demon expert here! This is not funny, demons only do this when they're in extreme distress.

Back in his London flat, Crowley had a state of the art sound system (black to match his whole aesthetic) with an enormous set of speakers. Those speakers weren't technically connected to anything¹ but they still played whatever he wanted.

While his beloved Bentley also played music and while Crowley would hate to admit that there was anything wrong with his car, there were definitely some... limitations to the sound system there.

Here, it's even slimmer pickings. Whatever forces are at work in the mansion, they seem to have a terrible sense of humor. Crowley has found a record player. He's even found a Velvet Underground record². However, he's having difficulty coaxing it to not turn into a Best of Queen record. What's currently playing is an absolutely terrible mash-up of The Black Angel's Death Song and Don't Stop Me Now.

¹At least, not with wires. Perhaps with demonic intention.
²The debut album, The Velvet Underground & Nico.

[[Typist: This is open until my hiatus in November! Feel free to pop in at any time.]]